Naughty Or Nice?

Knowing how Santa divvies up the good stuff at Christmas, you'd think that we'd all want to be on his nice list. But I must confess to mixed feelings when I received greetings from Naughty Or Nice?, the seasonal site from Bloom and its partner agencies, that tagged me as something of a goody two-shoes and sent me the angel wings to prove it.

As word spread about the site, and more colleagues began to shower me with greetings, I found myself secretly hoping that the next one would label me just a little bit naughty. Because naughty is much more fun, isn't it?

Whilst Bloom certainly knows that the devil gets all the best lines (there's something more than a touch creepy about their resident Santa), it's something that other agencies are inclined to forget, particularly when it comes to campaigns around smoking, insurance fraud or the like. I read recently how research suggests that anti-smoking messages on cigarette packs are likely to encourage a certain proportion of teenagers to take up the 'naughty' habit.

Whilst we might like to be secretly on the side of the angels, there's a part of us that likes to be seen to break bread with the devil and his kick-ass friends.

So you can imagine my delight when one colleague finally broke the trend and put me on the naughty list.

Although I do hope that the real Santa doesn't get wind of it!

Hear My Saab Story

I haven't heard the expression 'eaten bread soon forgotten' in quite a while (it was a real favourite of my brother's when I was growing up) but I was reminded of it as I stood on the forecourt of my Saab dealer earlier in the week.

Four years ago, I bought my first new car there and was so thrilled with the experience of driving away in my brand new Saab (Imagine! My very own car, ordered in especially for me!) that I had thoughts of little else. Earlier this year, I bought there again. My experience of the brand had been very good and habit as much as anything else brought me back to the same dealership where I swapped my three-year old for another new one. Again, I only had eyes for my latest purchase and paid little attention to anything else as I sat behind the wheel and soaked up that new-car feeling.

Earlier this month, I received my notification that the car was due its first service and I duly brought it along to the same people who had sold it to me almost twelve months earlier. All went well until I asked the attendant to let me know how much it would cost to repair or replace a door-handle that had been slightly scored in a close encounter with a car-park wall. I was told that I could have an estimate but would have to pay €100, which was deductible against the final cost should I choose to have the repair or replacement made.

I couldn't believe my ears. The same people who had previously sold me two cars worth tens of thousands of euros each were charging me €100 for an estimate on the repair of my more recent purchase. For an estimate? What were they thinking?

It's not often I'm lost for words. At the same time, I'm not confrontational by nature and can be slow to speak up when an unpleasant exchange is in the offing. So I said nothing.

At least until now.

As it turned out, the mechanic who prepares the estimate was unavailable so the dealer was unable to give an estimate. I drove away in my newly-serviced car feeling newly-fleeced. No-one stood on the forecourt to wave me off but they should have done for they're unlikely to see me again.

What are Saab doing, allowing a local dealer to dent the brand in this way?

Car-makers and car-dealers who sat back and took orders in the boom times are going to have to do a little more than learn how to upsell or cross-sell (or whatever they're calling this estimate-charge) now that customers are no longer queuing up to buy.

It's a buyer's market out there and this buyer is taking his business elsewhere.

All That Glisters...

What is it with Nissan Gold Standard?

On the surface, it kind of makes sense: A network of Nissan dealers setting new standards for second-hand cars and guaranteeing "quality, reliability, excellence and peace of mind when you buy a used car". Scratch that surface however, and the shiny veneer wears thin.

Because, you see, a Nissan Gold Standard car may be a Ford. Or a Mazda. Or a Toyota.

Because Nissan don't mean a Nissan Gold Standard Nissan car. They mean any car that's been put through a "rigorous multipoint check" by a Nissan dealer.

Which means you might get a Nissan Gold Standard Toyota car or a Nissan Gold Standard Volkswagon car. Which tells us more about the standards of a Nissan dealer than it does a Nissan car.

But didn't selling cars on the basis of 'quality, reliability, excellence and peace of mind' go out with other quaint advertising gambits like promising '0 to 60 in under 6 seconds'?

And don't NCT (National Car Test) testers also put cars of a certain age through a "rigorous multipoint check" every couple of years?

So what do I get when I buy a Nissan car, new or used? The Nissan Gold Standard sells me an impressive promise of dealership. But it confuses my sense of what makes a Nissan car.

Because almost every car nowadays is sold to required standards of quality, reliability and excellence and the Nissan Gold Standard suggests that every car is somehow born equal (dangerous if you're planning to persuade a buyer on the merits of a new Nissan as against one of its competitors) or can be made equal once a Nissan dealer puts their shine on it.

But the Nissan Dealer is forgetting something that everyone else knows: All of the elbow grease in the world doesn't turn base metal to gold.

Stepping On Toes

I was hugely tickled to read in yesterday's
Irish Times of the uproar over at the BBC where a 'non-dancing Mickey Rooney' (AKA John Sergeant) is stepping down from the BBC's flagship dance programme Strictly Come Dancing for fear 'that I might win the competition'.

The show follows the now-familiar format of ousting one dancer per week and the strictly too-serious-for-their-own-good judges are outraged that the public continues to vote for a contestant based on his personality rather than his dancing prowess. Naturally enough, this only encourages the public and Sergeant has taken the decision to waltz into the night as he thinks his winning might be a "joke too far".

Brand-owners often trip over themselves in the same way as the BBC judges by mistaking the basis on which the public makes its buying decisions. More often than not, the customer votes with their feet according to the appeal of a brand rather than its technical excellence. The brand-owner can rail against the poor judgement of the customer but is missing the point.

As business-owners, we can't argue our customer around to our perspective; instead we must sell to their standpoint. Too many of us tread on the toes of the shopper by rattling on about the features and benefits of our offer, whilst they're just looking for someone to gaze into their eyes, whisk them off their feet and dance the night away.

Obama & The Brand Of Opportunity

I have to admit that the outpouring of emotion from the far side of the water has these brand-coloured spectacles misting up more than just a little.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the euphoria of the last day or so has hit these shores with such force. After all, the tides that ebb and flow between the fortunes of brand America and our own sense of who we are here in Ireland run much deeper than the surge of investment money that has flowed into our country and watered our recent economic successes.

And whilst we sometimes like to assume the age-weariness of our European neighbours and look down on the adolescent eagerness and excesses of our American cousins, in truth we're much closer to Boston in spirit than we are to Berlin. But it's not only the Irish who share a sneaking rapport with the boundless optimism of the American dream. For hundreds of years, countries across the world have sent their huddled masses, yearning to be free, to her shores.

After all, the American dream tells a story that crashes onto the shore with a force that can literally take the breath away. And even the stoniest heart thrills to its sweeping narrative arc of rags to riches.

The wave that Obama rides is one that's been waiting to crash for some time now. Brand America, which is founded on the principles of hope and freedom, has suffered badly during the last number of years. There's been a jaded cynicism at work which has paid lip-service to those founding virtues and callously pursued political and commercial agendas at their expense. For what is America without its optimism, its sense of a goodness that wins through in the end?

Despite that optimism, America has long denied many of its people the freedoms it promises as a birthright. More recently, even hope has been abandoned in the name of homeland security. Meanwhile, those at the wheel have been in denial almost throughout. It's as though Nike had responded to the reports of slave-labour in its factories with some convoluted excuse that the end of 'Just Do It' had somehow justified the means. For many, Brand America's promise had become a bad dream.

So, of course the response to Obama's triumph has been pent-up. Of course it's over the top. Brand America (and those of us in thrall to it) have been waiting for almost a decade to utter a heartfelt 'Yes We Can'. Optimism sustains the entrepreneur in all of us and optimism has been in short supply during these troubled times.

Whilst Obama and the rest of the world face rough waters ahead, there's no doubt in my heart that we can navigate them much more successfully if we steer by the promise of hope and freedom that stands at the gateway to Brand America.

I won't end with a 'God Bless America'. That really would be over the top.

But you get my drift.